there are reasons i don't drink as much. i got together with an old college friend last night. one i haven't spoken to in over a year. we're re developing a relationship.... anyhow, last night i got so drunk i got kicked out a bar where there was an open bar....the bouncer went to ask for id i said no, and ran away one block and lost my wallet in the meantime. i'm almost 28 and i'm getting kicked out bars and getting too drunk...nice and irresponsible. i gotta admit i'm pretty resilient these days, i'm not beating myself over it.. i cancelled all my credit cards i just got to get a new liscense today and cancel my block buster id. i'm really pissed off at how drunk i got last night. i should've shown more self control and said no...rather, i could've just drank a little slower....that i'm dissapointed in my self.....

all right, the last time i write things didn't seem ok, well they are nothing compared to the things happening in the world. i've been listening a lot to WBAI, just because, i'm tired to listening to one sided news. i'm tired of this war, i wish it were over. the other day, i was having such a good day, then i remembered ah shit we're at war. it didn't stop me from enjoying my friday....regardless, i think of the POWs, the soliders with families (my partner has a brother on active duty), not to mention the innocent iraqi people.. i stress innocent. when i went to the protest in feb... it felt good to be amongst all these people who were there for one reason, to protest against the war...but at the same time, i knew that we were going to war regardless of how many people around the world were against the so called "coalition of the willing"...pisses me the fuck off, that all this happens, events out of people hands that can cause so many victims.

damn blogger. it didn't upload. anyhow, this week was a blast. i did nothing but read, relax, didn't think of work nor my partner...i went on a meeting earlier this week...just reaching out to old contacts, went to see donny deutsch speak at fit about advertisting industry and went to my first mentoring session yesterday. i met my mentee, seems like a cool kid, kind of quiet... we played monopoly....never realized how much fun monopoly is...probably because i never played it correctly before... i'm off to the city now, to further enjoy my relaxing week... i know it won't be for much longer.

losing a major client can do a lot to an entrepreneur. its brings out all these feelings...you feel a little low, frustrated (at even starting your business), pissed off at how you're running or ran the business... but at the same time, you're like, "fuck that, i'm gonna do this!"... and i'm gonna restructure the business, get new clients, everything. but in my case, i'd say i'm right in the middle....but more leaning towards the later. i haven't worked in the office since monday that just passed, mainly b/c i view it as a place we failed to reach its full potential. I've been home thinking, working a little on the business plan....but to be honest more on the thinking side. Do I want to continue this? Do I want to start a new business? My partner dropped a huge blow to me the other day, she said, she doesn't know how she'll feel after her vacation (she's going to bermuda on friday) but she probably doesn't want to do our business nor any other business in the future...she said she isn't happy doing this and she needs to get happiness back in her life. i kind of figured that out b/c when i asked her about signing our partnership agreement, she said let's wait until she get's back from vacation. imagine, the business partner who you started a company with you said that? we've been in business almost 3 years. I couldn't sleep at night. all sorts of shit running through my head. Anyhow, that day we spoke, and she explained, its all personal shit that's inhibiting her passion for the company and her overall happiness.. and the fact that she's been handling the finance, admin side of the business...which she hates underscores this. But she's committed that's what she says. she's not passionate about what we do and isn't pretending to be. which sucks for me because i do have passion, it was my idea to start this company. anyhow, because of her personal shit, we haven't been talking except for business, and even that, we hardly do. we were supposed to talk about the progress of our business plan and none of us are taking the initiative to talk about it. the fact is i have a business partner who doesn't want to be in business, doesn't have a passion for it...at least we've got enough money to pay ourselves until august, but we have to get back to work and bring in money. she's says she's burnt out from being in business (it has taken a personal toll on her life), but to be honest, i'm burnt out on her, i've given (not totally) up i don't know what to do...one week we're fine then we're not....mind you this is all her personal shit. this is sort of therapy writing about it.

other than that, i do have good news, i'm going to be a mentor for mentoring usa. I've been to 3 training sessions, they checked my references, and my background. So next week, I should meet my mentee. I'm real excited about making a difference for a teenage boy. To at least show then some of the skills they need to be productive citizens. I'm going to be mentoring a foster care kid...i wanted to b/c my family had foster care kids when i was in college and i resented them. i hated what my family became when they were in our house. so this is my way for giving back for all the blessings in my life and to give back for what i could've done to my foster sisters.

lots of things are happening. happy monday. i'm working from home this week... i really am working :) this week, i'm working on redeveloping our products/services line and we've decided to change the name of the company last week. so things are exciting and new. the way i'm looking at it, i'm back in start up mode, before i had an office space, and i must work hard and fast to develop the company that i want to build, rather a new company that i want to build. oh, congrats to blogger to getting bought out by google. that's where we want to be. man, we need money, and we gotta put on our thinking caps. also, wednesday is the last day of work with our client...they had to let us go, because they hired a new ceo who asked them to either quit or fire your vendors....guess what they did??? anyhow, we have enough money until august, we're taking a pay cut in april, so the crunch is on and we need to make $$$$!